I really love your writing and brilliant insights so thank you. I know I’m not the target audience but I think loads of this applies to becoming a mum too. For example preparing for the birth - they may as well have just said “everyone’s experience will be entirely bizarre and unique so have a go and see how you get on!” And then we all spend the time napping instead of doing a birth plan (i am half joking). I think this is all great Dadvice (!) - one thing I’d add is I didn’t appreciate how much time I’d spend navigating the sibling relationship, especially the feelings of the older child. Good luck, I definitely think it’s easier going from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1 x
Thanks so much! Oh yeah this applies to mums and dads for sure - they only tell you about the typical birth stories but in truth there’s no such thing. We’re definitely anticipating a bit of difficulty with our older kid - at the moment she’s excited but like with all of us, everything changes when they’re actually born!
It is so lovely too! My eldest struggled with me not being as available at night time and now there’s a lot of sharing issues but might not apply to you. In general it’s so lovely to see their relationship develop. Just be prepared for your older one to suddenly appear massive! X
I experienced a fair degree of cognitive dissonance when our second child arrived.
As a stay-at-home dad, I'd been actively involved in everything with our first child from the first moments, and I identified strongly with that experience. But with our second child about to be born, my spouse and I agreed that I should maintain a regular sleep schedule to keep up with our older child, while my spouse would organize herself around the new baby.
This resulted in a bit of identity-confusion for me. On the one hand, I was parenting all the time, making sure that our older child wasn't getting lost in the transitions of our growing family. We went on lots of amazing little adventures, just the two of us. On the other hand, I felt like an "absentee" dad with respect to our new baby, compared with the involved-in-every-moment dad I'd been with our first one. I cherished the time I could devote to our new baby, but I wasn't doing the middle-of-the-night wake-ups, and I was mostly taking care of our older child during the day.
This feeling of dissonance subsided with time, as all of our sleep schedules realigned. I had to remind myself that I was still as involved a parent and stay-at-home dad as I'd always been; that keeping up with the different needs of our children during that time was necessarily a tricky and imperfect balancing act for our family.
Thanks for your insight Matthew - this is something I’ve heard from a couple of other dads with two kids so it’s good to have this knowledge in advance! I guess it’s just a case of taking a long-term view of it and realising that we’re doing our part for the family in that moment, and that our role for kid #2 will expand in the future.
Great stuff. Get ready my friend. You have a lot of insight here. Speaking from experience, you will see how much you have grown in parenting from 1 to child 2 because you will actually know something about being a parent with number 2. 1st one is totally on the job training.
I really love your writing and brilliant insights so thank you. I know I’m not the target audience but I think loads of this applies to becoming a mum too. For example preparing for the birth - they may as well have just said “everyone’s experience will be entirely bizarre and unique so have a go and see how you get on!” And then we all spend the time napping instead of doing a birth plan (i am half joking). I think this is all great Dadvice (!) - one thing I’d add is I didn’t appreciate how much time I’d spend navigating the sibling relationship, especially the feelings of the older child. Good luck, I definitely think it’s easier going from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1 x
Thanks so much! Oh yeah this applies to mums and dads for sure - they only tell you about the typical birth stories but in truth there’s no such thing. We’re definitely anticipating a bit of difficulty with our older kid - at the moment she’s excited but like with all of us, everything changes when they’re actually born!
It is so lovely too! My eldest struggled with me not being as available at night time and now there’s a lot of sharing issues but might not apply to you. In general it’s so lovely to see their relationship develop. Just be prepared for your older one to suddenly appear massive! X
I found 1 to 2 to be easier as well!
I experienced a fair degree of cognitive dissonance when our second child arrived.
As a stay-at-home dad, I'd been actively involved in everything with our first child from the first moments, and I identified strongly with that experience. But with our second child about to be born, my spouse and I agreed that I should maintain a regular sleep schedule to keep up with our older child, while my spouse would organize herself around the new baby.
This resulted in a bit of identity-confusion for me. On the one hand, I was parenting all the time, making sure that our older child wasn't getting lost in the transitions of our growing family. We went on lots of amazing little adventures, just the two of us. On the other hand, I felt like an "absentee" dad with respect to our new baby, compared with the involved-in-every-moment dad I'd been with our first one. I cherished the time I could devote to our new baby, but I wasn't doing the middle-of-the-night wake-ups, and I was mostly taking care of our older child during the day.
This feeling of dissonance subsided with time, as all of our sleep schedules realigned. I had to remind myself that I was still as involved a parent and stay-at-home dad as I'd always been; that keeping up with the different needs of our children during that time was necessarily a tricky and imperfect balancing act for our family.
Thanks for your insight Matthew - this is something I’ve heard from a couple of other dads with two kids so it’s good to have this knowledge in advance! I guess it’s just a case of taking a long-term view of it and realising that we’re doing our part for the family in that moment, and that our role for kid #2 will expand in the future.
Best of luck!!!! And congratulations:)
Thank you Dahlia! :)
congrats on gearing up for round 2!
Thank you! :)
Great stuff. Get ready my friend. You have a lot of insight here. Speaking from experience, you will see how much you have grown in parenting from 1 to child 2 because you will actually know something about being a parent with number 2. 1st one is totally on the job training.
Thanks! I said the same thing to my wife the other night about on the job training - I hope I was paying attention!